I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
