It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
