So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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