woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
