I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
