Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
