dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
