he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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