I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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