Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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