I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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