it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
