guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
