its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
