: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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