So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
