so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
