hotel room ftw
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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