don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
