I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
