You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
