Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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