I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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