I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
