There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
