also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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