Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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