ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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