I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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