I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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