sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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