I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
whose ass print is on the piano?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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