so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
