i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
