He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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