Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
