R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
