office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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