dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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