Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
