Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
