speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
