Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
