it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
