cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's official drugs can't kill me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
