My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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