sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
