Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
