Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
