i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
